Fred and Mary lived next door to their son and daughter in law. As they aged their son and daughter in law started doing more and more around the house for them. It started with mowing the lawn and within a few years it had escalated to cleaning, shopping, laundry and bringing three meals a day as they noticed Fred and Mary were not cooking meals for themselves. The few times had tried cooking there were signs that it didn’t go well such as burned potholders on the stove, ovens left on all day and half eaten food on dirty plates in the sink…We met with the daughter in law who was exhausted from the stress of being a family caregiver. She didn’t know what to do but knew something needed to change and quickly. We talked about what Fred and Mary might need, what they would want in an ideal retirement living situation, where they would want to live and how much they could afford to pay. We decided the best option would be to live in an independent living community that had assisted living too. This would give them a place to move when their care needs became greater. We talked about options in the town in which they lived toured the ones that were of interest. We found the perfect room in a building in Beaverton in which many of their friends also lived.
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Moving Into an Adult Foster Care Home Allows Wife to Go From Family Caregiver to Spouse Again
Mary’s husband John had early onset Alzheimer’s. Mary still worked full time so she hired caregivers to come a few hours each day to ensure he had meals and was safe while she was gone. When she got home from work she had to fix dinner, help him shower, clean the mess he made throughout the day, get his medications and meals ready for the next day, do laundry as he often had accidents. Mary heard him get up several times during the night which interrupted her sleep. Realistically she knew he was just going to get worse but she had hope that he would at least stabilize. He wasn’t improving, unfortunately he was definitely getting worse. Mary knew she couldn’t continue to work full time and worry all day about his safety. She couldn’t afford to pay for caregivers to be with him the whole time he was at work yet she couldn’t afford not to. Mary was exhausted emotionally and physically. She couldn’t do it anymore and turned to Right Fit Senior Living Solutions for help…
We met with both of them to determine their ideal situation. She wanted him to live in an adult foster care home in nearby Tualatin so she could visit him on her way home from work in Portland. She liked the idea of an adult foster care home as there would be four other seniors living with a private family who is very experienced with being caregivers and working with people with Alzheimer’s and other dementias. He would get a lot of personal attention in a quiet, calm and safe home. She liked that their food is all made from scratch and that they would manage his medications, do his laundry and help him shower.
Urgent Need for Memory Care after Hospital Stay Causes Family Caregiver Stress Don’t Wait for a Crisis to Make a Move!
A call came from the discharge planner at the hospital in Hillsboro. They had a patient that needed 24×7 supervision who couldn’t return to his home and needed to find a memory care facility as he was an “elopement risk” (they were worried he would walk out the front door and wander away). The hospital case manager wanted to discharge him as quickly as possible and asked us to help find him a room in memory care in Portland as it wasn’t safe to allow him to return home…
There were lots of signs he (and his wife) needed more assistance. The daughters had already decided the next time he was in the hospital would be the final straw, it would be time to move. While usually we can find the perfect place for him to move, this time every memory care building was full and most had a waiting list.
Our number one recommendation is don’t wait until there’s a crisis to make a move. When it’s a crisis you are stuck with what’s available and it may not be what you really want. The senior in crisis won’t get input on which place he/she wants, family will have to make all the decisions. They’re already feeling overwhelmed with all that’s going on with their loved ones and the pressure of making a quick decision to meet hospital discharge expectations is extremely stressful!
